Is this a bad sign?
Okay, I hate my job. A lot. Every time I see a customer come through the door, the same words run through my head: "Oh God, just fuck off."
That's not good. A lot of people don't like their jobs, I realise that - but I think the levels of animosity, fury and frustration I experience every day by about 9am (I start at 8) are unusual.
I have decided, therefore, to take action. I know from experience that when I am slightly manic, I am un-irritatible and I don't get tired. However, I've been on lithium for almost a year now, and lithium works by suppressing mania. So I have decided to try and induce some mild mania by reducing my dose of lithium by 25% for a week or so, and see what happens.
Today was the first day of the experiment (I took 600mg last night, instead of the usual 800) and today was a better day than usual, even though we got absolutely slammed at work today and were stupidly short-staffed. I didn't lose my temper once, and I didn't feel particularly tired at the end of the day.
So basically I am relying on my mental illness to get me through the day at work. That can't be good, surely?